Midnight Musings
by tvfan69
Summary: There are some nights when thoughts of the future keep Mira awake, and when that happens all she can do is her best to try and clear her head. On this night, however, she isn't the only one awake.


"Mrph,"

Mira groans as she rolls over for what feels like the six hundredth time in the past ten minutes alone, never mind the past two hours. Sleeping on the ship is always a challenge for her, be it the uncomfortable mattress or Booster talking in his sleep across the room, or Buzz's snoring below her for that matter. For one reason or another she never seems to have good luck sleeping on the ship.

Tonight, however, it isn't any of her usual problems keeping her up. Booster hasn't been asleep long enough to be immersed in dreamland and Buzz is having a surprisingly quiet night. Not even the stiffness of her mattress is what's bothering her tonight. Tonight it's a little deeper than all of those things that normally keep her up, meaning there is no chance of sleep in sight.

Deciding that a change of scenery might help put her mind at ease Mira sits up and ghosts her way through the wall behind her, she doesn't want to wake anyone with a noisy dismount from the top bunk after all.

Her head and shoulders are still in the cabin as her feet fumble to get their bearings on the counter of the ship's pantry/kitchen area. When she finally feels like she's steady she backs out of the cabin completely and jumps back onto the floor. The room is dark, like the rest of the ship, so she feels her way around the drawers until she comes across a flashlight. True, she isn't staying in here, but she'll need to see where she's going.

It's on nights like this one that Mira finds herself unexpectedly reminded of how big the ship really is. Sometimes she finds it funny, how she spends so much of her time on board and yet sometimes she still feels like there are inches she doesn't know.

Other times, such as tonight, that thought is more terrifying than amusing. She goes all the way to the bridge, an area she _does_ know every square inch of, and extinguishes her flashlight.

She doesn't turn on the main light; the bridge doesn't need it with all of Booster and XR's different monitoring systems emitting soft glows of various colors; mostly greens and yellows with a few hints of blues and reds. She walks slowly, almost gingerly, as she makes her way down to her seat, and then she just stands behind it with her hands resting firmly on the top

The stars beyond the dash are endless; an expanse of space that even with so much explored it will never be fully uncovered. She use to look up at the stars at night back on Tangea and wonder about the worlds beyond, about Star Command and the Galactic Alliance. When she joined she thought that part of her would change, that the wonder would be satisfied. She waited days, weeks, months, and years but it never changed. Each new world they land on amazes her, and each time she looks out at the stars she finds herself wondering about what else might be out there and how much more she'll be allowed to see.

She hears the sliding doors to the bridge open and so she looks over her shoulder to see Buzz standing there and flicking on the light.

"Mira," he doesn't sound surprised to see her here, "What are you doing up?"

She shrugs, leaning her hip into the back of her seat and crossing her arms anxiously.

"Just thinking," she answers honestly, "Did I wake you?"

She had been so careful to be quiet when sneaking out of the cabin, but Buzz is a light sleeper, perhaps she wasn't quiet enough.

But he shakes his head, a small and comforting smile on his lips.

"Booster accidently kicked XR in his sleep, XR decided to wake him up and I didn't want to be in there for that."

Mira chuckles in agreement, she wouldn't want to be in there either, listening to those two bicker at this hour. After last time she thought XR was going to recharge himself in a different room the next time they slept on the ship, rather than plugging himself into the outlet at the foot of Booster's bunk, but alas he still hasn't learned.

"So," Buzz says as he approaches her, mimicking her stance against his own seat. "What are you thinking about?"

She huffs a sigh at his question, moving to plop down in her seat. "Nothing."

"It doesn't sound like nothing," He's quick to contradict her, as always, but there's a concern in his voice as he sits down himself, sideways just as she has. "Mira whatever it is, you know you can tell me."

She sighs again; she does know that. He's her best friend, she trusts him with her life. That's what makes this so hard, and so she rotates to sit properly in her chair for only a second before slumping down miserably.

"You can't help."

She doesn't have it in her to glance over at him, she doesn't want to see the worry on his face, but she knows it's there and she doesn't want him to feel that so needlessly, so she sighs again.

"It's just… Sometimes I remember that this, the rangers, isn't my life. Not forever anyway. Not like you, and Booster, and XR. You're all allowed to stay here for as long as you want, as long as you don't mess up. Not that you would mess up, well not anymore so than usual that is, I just-" She cuts herself off, on hand going to her face as she groans another sigh. She can feel Buzz smiling at her, giving her the time she needs to compose her thoughts and think through what it is she's trying to say.

It takes a minute, but for once he's patient with her and doesn't try and guess what she's getting at.

"Someday," she finally says, "This is all going to end for me. My father, for one reason or another, won't be able to rule anymore and I'm going to have to go back to Tangea and take his place."

She doesn't voice that he and the other two members of their team, their little family, will get to stay here and continue with this life for as long as they please. She doesn't ask if they'll let themselves forget her, or how long he thinks it will be before Commander Nebula inevitably issues them a replacement for her. It's a reality that most days she can tell herself she's made her peace with, but on restless nights such as this one the lie just isn't strong enough. She wants to stay here, to live out the better portion of her life fighting on the front lines, instead of only a few short chapters of it. She knows her time spent as a ranger will help her become a better ruler when the time comes, but that doesn't mean she actually wants the time to come. She would give anything for the rangers to be her future, anything except the fate of her people that is.

When she finally glances at Buzz he has one hand rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck, the closest he will ever come to admitting she's right, about anything.

"You know…" he finally manages to come up with, the thought only half formed. "That's still a long way off."

"I know," she huffs, sinking even further down in her chair. "Doesn't mean I don't think about it."

It's quiet after that, nothing left to say, she figures. She's told him everything and there isn't anything he can say to her that will make her situation any better. He could tell her she'll still be helping people, but that isn't her problem. She won't be here is what's bothering her, no matter how much good she'll be doing on Tangea.

She does hear him get up, though she's so zoned into her own world that she doesn't really notice him coming closer, not until he has a hand on her shoulder. He's frowning when she looks up, because he doesn't like things that he can't fix. Still, he's going to try.

He lowers himself onto the edge of the seat, his arm moving around her shoulders and hand encasing her own in a firm and reassuring grip. He still doesn't say anything, though Mira is sure that he will if he manages to think of something. She doesn't mind the quiet, though. Just having his comfort is enough, and so she leans her head onto his shoulder. Someday she knows this is all going to be gone, late nights spent sitting on the bridge nothing but a distant memory she'll long to live through again if only in her dreams. But, for now it's real. For now she still has her family here and they aren't going to allow her to be stolen from them any time soon.


End file.
